One advantage I have over this 'fear' is that a few years ago I ceased identify being scared with stopping motion or freezing up or abandoning plans. Fear does not deter me. It used to, but I simply shifted my brain's interpretation of fear to an indication that I was doing the right thing. It's not the right path for progression or self-development, or a challenge, which is what I ultimately seek, if it's not a little bit scary.
(By the way, can somebody school me on my its and it's? After thirty years it's starting to bug me that I haven't conquered that yet, of all things. Also, a refresher on effect and affect would be nice too. I love Grammar Girl but I'm too busy catching up on thank yous and music projects lately to check for myself. Much appreciated.)
So New York City it is, mid-March. I'm buying my ticket today. It's hardly a big investment. Like clockwork, roundtrip tickets from STL -> NYC are $220ish, if you purchase six weeks out. I'm not lying (tried and true tools for you: I love Google's ITA Matrix and cross-referencing on Skyscanner, and then sometimes I even incorporate that into my Delta SkyMiles award ticket searches if not paying cash). Add to that an MTA Subway pass, some AirBnB lodging, lots of pizza, coffee, new friends, and random fun, and NYC doesn't have to be all that expensive. I guess it's about what matters to you. Experiences matter to me. Sometimes they cost a lot of money and that's cool. Most of the time they don't.
Don't get me wrong. I'm moving to New York. I'll be making obscene amounts of money in no time. But that's not what I truly seek. It is my passion that draws me to the Big Apple. I love music and people and community and public transportation and making things happen - in no particular order, except probably the last would be first. And there's no better place for that than Brooklyn, New York. So that's where I'm headed. No, not the gentrified hipster haven Williamsburg, possibly Bedford Stuyvesant for now. I'm from NOCO and my last trip showed me Bed-Stuy Do or Die is not much different from home. Follow what you love and the money will follow. I'm a firm believer. Well, that and thoughts become things, so I'm good either way.
The last month was rough, but it reminded me what life was all about, once I regained use of my left arm. I would have never made it through without the love and support from my family, my mother in particular, who kept me going when I didn't think I could. She has dealt with more than her fair share of trials and tribulations, much worse than anything I've had to go through. She is the strongest person I know. And many of my friends just knew I would be just fine - even better - on the other side, when I wasn't so sure myself. I've lived life not utilizing the care and concern of my personal network of friends and family and I've lived life including it in every moment of every day. The latter is worth living for.
It is now time to go off and become everything I was ever meant to be, taking the next step in the awesome journey of my life, the one that is waiting for me, beyond the fear. Whenever my cavalier attitude may falter, I look back and see how far I've come, everything I've accomplished, and every single way the universe has conspired - with or against my wishes - to create the unique path forward to my ultimate destiny that I have yet to unwrap and see at its most actualized. To use a timeless cliche, I have a new lease on life and I'll be damned if I don't do something motherfucking spectacular with it.
#americanfemale #emilycarpenter #stl #nyc #brooklyn #bk #grammargirl #itamatrix #skyscanner #delta #mta #airbnb #williamsburg #bedstuy #fear #thoughtsbecomethings #newbeginnings